


Relationship Progression

by Makizushi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Bulges and Nooks, Canon-Typical Douchebaggery - All Characters, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Light BDSM, M/M, Multi, OT3, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Polyamory, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sex Toys, Sloppy Makeouts, Threesome - F/M/M, Trust, Xeno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 19:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11516322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makizushi/pseuds/Makizushi
Summary: Stage 9: Invite them to touch the butt.





	Relationship Progression

**Author's Note:**

  * For [masswisteria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/masswisteria/gifts).



> Homestuck Polyswap 2017 Prompt: #LetJadeHarleySpendTimeWithLovedOnes2017. These two knights can show their adorable space furry girlfriend how much they love her, and she can return the favor. Let's hear it for happy, functional triads.

“Are you sure this is something we should be joking about? It’s taken for-fucking-ever for Jade to remember that things like ‘knocking’ and ‘boundaries’ exist.”

You roll your eyes so hard it’s probably visible from space despite your shades. “I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop possessing my boyfriend, _Kankri_ , it’s just plain rude. We don’t have time to find a young priest and an old priest and get this bangin' birthday surprise set up.” You snort at your own joke. “Get it? ‘Bangin,’ because we’re-”

“Oh my god, _shut up_. I’m not fucking Kankri, I’m just TRYING to maybe have a little tact.” Karkat wrestles the fancy new sheets onto Jade’s bed with way more force than necessary.

“I should hope you’re not fucking Kankri, that’s totally incest. I’m triggered. One million years dungeon, no trial.”

“See, this is exactly the cripplingly painful lack of tact I’m talking about. How can you joke about incest and triggers when-”

You cut him off, letting some genuine annoyance bleed into your voice. “Because it’s my life and they’re my issues and I’ll joke about them in the privacy of my own home if I want to.” Karkat’s never taken issue with your irreverent attitude toward your brain nonsense before, so you reach for your chill and check in with him. “What’s up, dude? Is this for real bothering you because we can definitely talk about it, get all cozy in one of your many junk piles, hash shit out. That shit will be so hashed you could fry it up for an authentic IHOP breakfast experience.”

During your ramble Karkat covers his face with his hands and takes a big, heaving breath. You noticed that he’s been doing that lately in an erratically successful attempt to circumvent pointless yelling about everything but what he actually needs to say. “No, I’m obviously brain damaged enough to not completely hate your sense of humor. It’s just…” When his hands fall to his sides he’s chewing his poor lip to shreds in worry. “What if she thinks we’re making fun of her? What if she hates it or gets mad or…” His sentence trails off dejectedly.

“Karkat, we _are_ making fun of her, but she’ll think it’s hilarious. Her accidentally walking in on us has been a thing since we moved in together, it’s basically an inside joke at this point.”

You understand his trepidation; the boundaries of your ever evolving relationship with Jade are a work in progress. The first time she walked in on a less than savory scene, or rather teleported in on one with a flash of green light, you and Karkat both panicked. It wasn’t easy for Karkat to be comfortable with people seeing his body after having to hide his mutation his entire childhood, and the thought of exposing an unwilling person to anything even remotely sexual made you sick. Growing up in an apartment full of creepy sex toys and creepier webcams, being forced to be around and even interact with all that nasty crap gave you a massive aversion to doing the same to others.

Jade, on the other hand, wasn’t disgusted or scandalized, just upset that she’d given the both of you sweaty, naked panic attacks. She had a lot of trouble remembering that other people existed near her, and that not every single room in the house was a public area. After that initial incident you know that she did her socially stunted best, and you two were far from the only casualties what with her wandering into your other friends’ houses unannounced. At least Dirk’s isolation induced personal space problems were curbed by his inability to teleport.

“She’s been doing a lot better though, what if this undermines her progress?” Despite his fretting Karkat continues making the bed with the fuckzillion thread count sheets and a comforter that may have been alchemized out of literal clouds. After putting the new pillows in their cases you have other preparations to complete, like stripping down to your silky new boxers.

“There are different kinds of progress dude. This is us _progressing_ toward letting our girlfriend know we’re ready to involve some butt touching whenever, should she be so inclined. Just, literally any time, god, she’s so fucking hot.” Thinking about Jade distracted you enough that you forgot to take your shoes off before shimmying your pants half way down your legs, so you’re bent over and struggling with those poor life choices when Jade’s voice startles the absolute _hell_ out of you and sends you sprawling.

“Aww, I think you’re super hot too Dave!” And there she is, standing in her door with a bright smile on her face while you’re on your ass, half naked with one shoe on like the fucking winner you are. You’re the most attractive, it’s you.

A moment after the duel stereo squawk of indignant surprise her entrance caused, Karkat finds the wherewithal to start shouting over the giggle fit that’s left her slumped against the doorframe. “You’re not supposed to be here for another half hour at least! Did you just ditch Kanaya and Rose or something? How could they fail us this way?!”

“Jeez Karkat, calm down. Kanaya was called away to the caverns for some kind of slurry emergency. I guess Rose did seem oddly insistent that we could continue hanging out, but I wanted to let her go help. Anyway,” Jade seems to take in the state of her room, covered in rumpled bedding, empty packaging, and incredibly flustered boys. “What is all this?”

“Hold up,” You leave off sorting out your shoes/pants situation, interest piqued. “What constitutes a slurry emergency? Are we talking about a storage containment failure here? Is there a jizz tsunami headed our way? Or some kind of catastrophic spunk shortage? If it’s the latter, boy do I have some good news for Rose. …wait, ew, no.”

“Dave, would you kindly shut the fuck up before I cram your literal foot in there along with the metaphorical one you just chowed down on?” He turns to Jade pleadingly. “We were trying to set up a thing, so I’d be extremely grateful if you’d just leave and pretend you never saw us.”

“What were you setting up? My birthday isn’t until tomorrow. Ooo, are those new sh-”

Karkat rushes up to Jade, waving his hands in front of her face in a poor attempt to block her view. “NO! NOPE! Nothing to see here! Jade, for god’s sake-”

“It’s still a birthday surprise if the surprise is still going on by the time it’s your birthday.” You say with a highly appropriate amount of eyebrow waggling.

“Dave! Quiet! Jade, out! Right now or I swear to god I’m taking this entire shitshow out back and putting it out of its inhumanely prolonged misery!” The tone of his yelling is starting to take on a frantic, desperate edge and you finally shut up, not wanting to actually upset him or ruin the surprise you both worked hard to pull off. Jade seems to catch on to his deteriorating emotional state at the same time you do and starts to edge out the door.

“I wonder where my boyfriends are, better go check the living room and kitchen and back yard and attic and-” Karkat shuts the door on her face and you can hear her laugh from the hallway.

“Okay nookmunch, stop embarrassing yourself on the floor and clean up all that trash while I finish setting up the bed. We’ve probably got less than 10 minutes before her barkbeast attention span shits itself and she wanders back in.”

You hear a faint “Hey!” from the behind the door and Karkat sighs explosively. “Make that five minutes, move your ass.”

The two of you wrestle the room into something resembling clean and put together, cramming old bedding into Jade’s laundry hamper and filling her tiny wastebasket with packaging. Karkat has the bed looking like something off of an aesthetic blog, complete with candles on the bed stand and fairy lights strung across the headboard. It’s when he pulls a slightly wilted rose out of a grocery bag and starts dismembering it that you decide to put your foot down.

"God damn it Karkat, I thought we agreed no flower petals."

“YOU agreed, I agreed to no such thing!”

“They’re going to get _everywhere_ dude, and roses? Seriously?”

“They’re romantic as fuck.”

“My _sister-_ ”

He throws up his hands in exasperation. “Fine! No flowers. It’s not like Jade likes plants or anything, _oh wait_.” Cue more laughing from a mysterious voice that _shouldn’t be listening in_. It’s so ridiculous that it breaks the tension; Karkat’s shoulders fall and you snicker quietly, not wanting to enable her.

“Just take your pants off Karkat, we’re basically done.”

“Are you leaving your shirt on?” His hands fidget with the hem of his sweater in a moment of indecision.

“Nah, I just hadn’t gotten around to taking it off yet. It’s almost December, I’ll freeze my mammalian nips off if I strip too soon.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay with that?” It’s one of the things you’d talked about extensively while planning this little event. Both of you had reasons to be uncomfortable with showing a lot of skin normally, but Jade was special. Deciding to trust her was like back when you decided to trust each other; it felt natural and welcome.

“Yeah, I’m sure. If you’re not sure though that’s okay, neither of us has to. It’s not like Jade will throw a big baby tantrum over us refusing to show her the goods. We didn’t pick her up on Tinder after enduring 91 thousand unsolicited dick pics.”

“I knew I should have bought her a gag, the most useful of birthday presents for anyone dating you.”

“Kinky.” You wink at him before pulling your shirt off.

When you resurface you see that he’s dropped trou, and is bending over to pick them up and get them out of the way. You are _mesmerized_. “Karkat. What are those?”

“What do you mean?” He twists at the waist to look over his shoulder at you; it feels like a religious experience. “These are my shorts. You said we should buy new underwear for this.”

Your voice sounds more strangled than you’d like to admit. “Well _yeah_ but! I mean!”

“What is your deal? I’m a boy, I needed new shorts, so I got the ones labeled ‘boyshorts.’ I don’t see the problem.”

“What? But… They’re…” Innocent words get strangled in your throat, powerless in the face of what might be the greatest, most personally rewarding misunderstanding you’ve ever encountered.

“Listen. These are obviously correct.” He gestures to himself and, deep in your heart, you can’t help but agree. “Why aren’t _you_ wearing boyshorts, Dave?”

Through a crack in the door you hadn’t noticed Jade chimes in, “Yeah, Dave! Why not?”

“I… you know, you make a good point.” Your ass would probably look incredible in those.

Karkat scowls. “Jade! You’re not supposed to BE HERE _GODDAMN IT!_ ”

“Oops! I mean, Jade who? Anyway, gotta go bye!” It’s the absolutely unrepentant smirk in her voice that makes you love her.

You call after her as she scampers down the hallway. “We will text you!”

After finally seeing her off you rummage around in your own bag of preparations, putting the finishing touches on things while Karkat straightens and re-straightens everything within arm’s reach. “Dude, can you maybe chill?”

“Don’t you meme at me, Strider. I will fucking burn this place down with my inability to chill, my lack of chill is converting hydrogen into helium as we speak, supplying every single one of you ungrateful fucks with the energy you need to scrape out a living on this horrible dirt ball planet.” Karkat finally leaves off fidgeting with things and starts to pace instead.

“Are you trying to say the sun shines out your own ass? That’s a little self aggrandizing bro, not gonna lie.”

“Ugh. This is an unmitigated disaster.” He comes to a sudden halt when he sees what you’re fiddling with. “And what hell are you doing now?”

“Mmm, what does it look like I’m doing Karkitty?” You say, tying a ribbon around your waist and attaching it to the elastic of your boxers.

“If I can’t have rose petals you _certainly_ can’t have a fucking bow on your crotch.”

“Spoilsport.”

Since you’re not a total asshole and the plan going slightly awry has seriously stressed him out, you leave off antagonizing Karkat and insinuate yourself into his personal space and kiss him instead. Tension and anxiety have him strung so tight he’s practically vibrating, but he leans into your chest and kisses you back. Just having your arms around him eases nerves you weren’t even aware had built up; you hope you do the same for him.

When you pull back from his mouth he chases your lips before opening his eyes to look at you. “Are you ready for this?”

“Well, if we don’t do it soon the point will be moot on account of the anticipation having made my bloodpusher explode, so...”

“Yeah, I’m not cleaning that up.” You stick a tiny bow to his horn and he sighs, seemingly resigned to your bullshit.  “Perfect. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Grabbing your phone from your discarded pants, you text Jade before flopping dramatically onto the immaculately made bed. Karkat takes in the scene with a critical eye, humming quietly to himself. It seems like you’re the last thing that needs adjusted; he plucks your shades from your face and runs his claws through your hair, hopefully leaving it looking invitingly tousled instead of goofy. You bat your eyes at him and stretch out on your back. “How do I look?”

“Not as debauched as you could be.”

“You’d better get a move on then. We’ve got like, two minutes.”

That finally wins a sharp smile from him as he climbs on the bed. “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s half the time I need.”


End file.
